Generic Ruby DayZ Videos Thread #2: Petrol Sniffing Special Edition

[rubycalaber]

so my last video did surprisingly well but I noticed the second video had almost half the views the first one did so either people realized that these videos are fucking horrendous after only seeing one which is plausible or they literally did not know it was there because there was a massive fucking wall of text which I think may be the reason due to feedback from my most valued comedy advisor

I literally just cant stop myself from making this big stupid recap of whatever I'm posting but this thread has four videos so I will have to try and keep the summaries brief so you can actually see theres more than one video and its not hidden amongst a book of text oh god I'm already typing too much



youtube gave me that bullshit we've detected ways to improve your videos lighting again which turned my last video into some wacky acid trip or something which is fitting since you'd have to be high as fuck to enjoy these videos anyway I was still using the audacity method but the piece of shit crashed and I had to do some extreme hacker shit where I downloaded another program that would recover the sections of the temp files it saves and there is a thing in audacity that is like you crashed last time do you want us to delete your temp files to trick you into losing them why cant you just recover them yourself why do I have to risk megaviruses by going to a third party why do I need to recover temp files at all why dont you just save my fucking work like other programs can you piece of shit anyway the main "plot line" of this video is teknorat finds a boat HES ON A BOAT, HES ON A BOAT and tries to come and pick us up to hiiiiiiiilarous results mostly because he has no idea where he is and is driving at 9 mph around a massive land mass and I try to find him some petrol for his boat before barry can sniff it all but I am interrupted by some cheeky cunts shooting at me and I take evasive maneuvers while teknorat tells me about how his sisters boyfriend builds houses for abos out of shipping containers because if they used wood the abos would tear off the wood and use it for bonfires nice work abros and when this retard gives away his position in the pitch black forest by firing I just run up on him laying under a tree and dump three mags into him get fucked Kenji but then his mate opens fire on me this was back when the entire game was literally just people firing makarov pistols at each other non stop and all you could hear was pop pop pop and then JESUS CHRISTMAS CRACKERS my premature flare ejaculation problem lets this guy hit me and I do some pro gamer pillar running between trees but he kills me before I can hit him and then TEKNORAT CALLS ME JESSE oh fug now everyone knows my real name and then I make the mistake of changing my resolution so for the rest of these videos my HUD is going to be small and hard to read and it was better before when they were big oh also there is a thing where so many people would be trying to join servers it would literally be like a DDoS attack so what you do to get into a full one is just hammer enter which basically DDoSs the server but it will let you get in the second there is an empty slot so no one else can nip in before you and barry and I discuss how we are going to have to rub teks cock and balls to keep him from getting hypothermia when we find him please note we are not gay then I make my videos even worse by putting my gamma up so I can see at night and I never put it back down so the game is too pale during the day for the rest of my vids then there is some drama where tek thinks hes managed to get to eletro to meet barry with the petrol he hasnt sniffed yet but hes in berizino or some gay shit so now tek has to find petrol by himself and then barry tries to pretend he goes to the pub to bang bogan chicks and not abo boys but we shut up down stat but then I FALL OFF THE ROOF OF THE HOSPITAL FUUUUUUUUU-



at the start of this vid barry is surprise surprise talking about mens testicles and hes still butthurt about me attracting zombies to him over and over again yesterday and teknorat had to stop playing to go beat his wife so its up to me and barry to find the boat and gas it up but as we're meeting some motherfucker starts busting caps at barry and then drops a smoke bomb and disappears batman style and when I find him he gives me a little run around where I'm busting caps at him as barry yells KILL THE WHITE MAN black power brother and I think this Ross guy had used all his bullets because he tries like aiming his gun at me as if to scare me away but he doesnt fire so I literally drop shot like in COD where you dive prone onto the ground while firing so you dodge your enemies bullets and I hit him a bunch while rolling around on the ground like a retard and do a good job of not teamkilling barry who shoots him a bunch with his revolver but the guy was already like falling over dead from my gunshots since I got the murder and in this shit game you constantly get your shoulders caught on door frames just like in real life so I didnt get to see him die and I thought it was barry shooting him that did it but then Keith calls barry on steam asking for a bumming so we have to stop playing and never find that fucking boat also fun fact there is not one edit in this video it is 8 minutes and 23 seconds of uninterrupted boring gameplay which is a rare thing for these videos it only happens a few other times



the helicopter noises are going mental in this video and for some reason rootbeer thinks I'm using a better mic r u fuckin deaf m8 anyway this one opens with me thinking I've become a pro gamer and found you cant get damaged when throwing a flare which turns out not to be true and teknorat tells me a g1 about a fat indian woman who loves black seed all over her face while I play Jogging Sim 2012™ and when we switch to a day time server I see a guy who I thought was lagged out at fist but I guess he was just fiddling in a menu because when I get close he legs it and scrambles to log out but I dump two clipz straight in his fag face and I get credited with a murder but I didnt notice since his name didnt come up at the bottom left probably because he like disconnected right as he died or some bullshit but I steal all his clips anyway so fuck you enjoy logging in dead and then teknorat tells me a lovely story about EJACULATING INTO NOODLES AND EATING THEM and I give him the pro cooking with cum tip that semen on a pizza tastes great and then I encounter GAY BUMMING ZOMBIES for the first time where two gay zombie lovers meld into one being of pure gayness like they're using the fusion dance from dragonball Z or some shit and then I have a comedy moment where I'm so immersed in this shit game that I forget how to control my physical body and my foot almost turns off my router and I accidentally swat off my headset while making funny noises and then I discover flashlight rustling for the first time where I pick one up and it deletes my fucking gun and when guns start going off outside I have to resort to using my only item that actually works my smoke grenade to try and attract zombies to them and when I find him I do the like 5 second long throwing animation where you have to pull it out of your rectum before I can toss it and I scream EAT SMOKE GRENADE GAYBOY as I die I hope that guy had a lot of fun with the smoke monster after I died and after I get hacked back to a night time server teknorat tells me a dream he had about stealing my chocolate oranges (a metaphor for my anal virginity) and I have some Fun™ where I find a spot zombies cant attack me inside some shed but of course they can still get me through the wall wow what a good game but I got an axe out of it so it was ok except not since this was before they were weapons and I tried to harvest wood from cow but it didnt want to give me its cowcock



during this game session nothing that interesting happened thank the lord because I had downloaded the new version of fraps that has the ability to record both sound input and output after tens of thousands of years of human evolution we can finally record a conversation but of course that feature is not enabled automatically and for this game session I did not record anything I said only what teknorat said so it's good I did literally nothing interesting other than toss flares off of a crane and jump off of it and teknorat had a bunch of funny shit happen to him like getting rustled that he cant see anything, noting all the jews in our server, telling me about the clear Lost-rip off tintin book his wife got him about a plane ending up on a mystical island where the heroes are abducted by a mysterious group and when they explore deeper into the jungle they find ancient ruins of unknown origin but unlike Lost it turns out aliens did it since this is bad writing and Lost had good writing

and while hes telling me this I'm running around in the pitch dark so enjoy your modern art of pitch black and grey splotches in the sky and then just as hes about to abort he finds another player staring at him through his menu who says he'll team up with him for "a bit" and then keeps mysteriously disappearing and reappearing so I think teknorat had literally found The Others in the forest hes lost in and he runs off the edge of the map with him to the empty debug planes so to try and escape he has to turn his flashlight on and find where they came from but he gets hyper rustled by it not turning on so we change to a daytime server and we both notice that our characters are black for the first time and I did something funny here where I found another guy and just ran around him screaming hey m8 over and over again since I had lost my marakov in favor of a flashlight that doesnt work and it turns out that tek couldnt turn his on because he had put it in his backpack when he was aiming down its non existent sighs so when he took it back out he was already aiming down the sights of nothing and couldnt interact with the actual flashlight in his hand wow good gameplay m8

as always timbo and I have nothing better to do than play this shit game so if you wanna be in these videos just let us know all the cool kids are doing it like camoron whos never going to play again for no reason to do with the game being complete shit and speaking of complete shit brace yourselves for tomorrows episode of the Teknorat & Ruby show only here on rubynet!

[juji]

wtf

[Autistic Spectrum]

crtl f, back button,

[skrizach]

whoa I need to start playing day Z

[always stevey]

Oh fuck some butane sounds nice right about now, it would make you guys look like cool people I'd want to hang
around irl

[Genital Doli]

whoa I need to start playing day Z

he makes it sound fun, and itneresting, but its not, its not fun or itneretsing at all, its the oposite of that

[skrizach]

Oh fuck some butane sounds nice right about now, it would make you guys look like cool people I'd want to hang
around irl

what does this mean

[rubycalaber]

whoa I need to start playing day Z

dropping my 8 year old gimmick of never replying to my own megathreads to point out that you have played fucking 276.7 HOURS of The War Z so if you can stand that, which is objectively the worst game ever made and literally more evil than hitler, then you will adore dayz and think it is the most polished work of art ever made

[Autistic Spectrum]

whoa I need to start playing day Z

thought the same thing, from watching his last dayz vid, god dammit, don't install it

[Autistic Spectrum]

you like walking arond looking for food, cause ya if you don't eat food you die, it's just like real life,it's boring as fuck,

[juji]

I heard someone said Day Z sucks because it's buggy and hackeable, sometimes you spawn without gears and weapons

[always stevey]

what does this mean

IT's open to interpretation.

[skrizach]

dropping my 8 year old gimmick of never replying to my own megathreads to point out that you have played fucking 276.7 HOURS of The War Z so if you can stand that, which is objectively the worst game ever made and literally more evil than hitler, then you will adore dayz and think it is the most polished work of art ever made

oh wow and that's even the number since they added it to steam in like january or december. eeek I've been playing since october oh nooooo so many hours!
I have dayZ installed I played it a couple times it was weird and the first time I played I literally walked in one direction until I died because I didn't see a fucking thing.

[Autistic Spectrum]

you didn;t eat, you have to gather things, before you can do anything, you are basically homeless, it's a homeless walking simulator,

[juji]

you didn;t eat, you have to gather things, before you can do anything, you are basically homeless, it's a homeless walking simulator,

so how many months ago were these videos made like 6 or 7?

[skrizach]

so how many months ago were these videos made like 6 or 7?

during the bush administration

[skrizach]

Oh good, you got the two part joke.

[rubycalaber]

so how many months ago were these videos made like 6 or 7?

June 8th, 13th and 18th 2012 lmao

so expect your video about eeeeeeh late 2018

[maks]

COCKS I SEE COCKS EVERYWHERE LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT COCKS

[maks]

RUBY LOOK AT MY COCK OR COCKS IF YOU WILL SERIOUSLY NEED TO MENTION COCKS COCKS COCKS COSKS

[Lisa Claus]

XD

maks

[maks]

clump I didn;t read that but shut the fuck up anyway seriouysly I hope you die

[maks]

fucking stupid cunt ruins everythign just fucking ban her already

[Lisa Claus]

no I think I'd much rather sit here and watch you spazz about cocks

[maks]

clump you haven't done anything funny since you got raped why don;t you go get raped again please

[Lisa Claus]

yeah ok

[maks]

if that post wasn't "yes marks I will get raped again tomorrow" the I don;t want to fucking hear it you stupid cunt

[Lisa Claus]

COCKS I SEE COCKS EVERYWHERE LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT COCKS