for whatever
I'll go again for 5 mins.
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for whatever
I'll go again for 5 mins.
I have borderline personality disorder, I can deal with that
But I'n scared of the dissociative disorder because it can happen randomly and then I literally have no idea what I'm doing or why and it really bothers me to do stuff that I have no idea why I did it. I'm still trying to deal with the last time when I threw all my cloths and linen outside and packed bags with weird stuff in them, one bag had books, tampons, loose cigarettes and a can of beans and all kinds of random weird stuff, I found one in the boot of my car, was I planning in going somewhere? I ruined half my cloths because it took me weeks to gather everything back up and wash it and by that time some of them had rotten through from being left in the grass and mud. It really bothers me, the more I stress about it the worse it is but the worst thing is knowing that when I have such an episode I have no idea I'm having it, I have no idea what is going through my head, last time I ended up climbing over massive barbed wire fences in the middle of the night and standing in a car repair shop under a security light with my oversized pants around my ankles and that was literally the most lucid moment I had at the time because I actually remember what I was thinking before I came to, I was trying to follow the light and I thought if I followed lights enough I would arrive somewhere where I could leave this life, instead all I was doing was randomly seeing lights on in the middle of night and climbing over fences to get to them, I still have a scar on my leg from the barbed wire. I don't know if that was a dissociative disorder episode or sleepwalking but it happened around the time where I did all that other weird stuff I still have no idea why I did and I'm still dealing with not being able to find things because I moved and hid everything, there is so many reasons why this bothers me but then I get scared that if I worry about it too much I'll have another episode. Hopefully these are brain aneurysms or something and it will burst and I'll just drift off in a painless clueless state of no mind and never have to worry about shit that when I think about it really doesn't matter. Do you have any idea how fucked up people are? There is some fucking terrible shit going on out there, this shit only affects me so it doesn't matter. I used to want to help people you know, I used to think there was a point.
Sounds like you need locked in a cage for your own protection
why did it take you weeks to pick your clothes up
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jihad Josh
lonnie
That better not be lonnie
agreed I'll be pissed
Because it was raining a lot, can only do one load of washing and during at a timeQuote:
Originally Posted by sad rats fuck
Idiots
I don't have 10 washing machines in fact right now I don't have a washing machine at all as I tried after doing that many loads of washing.
New one gets here on wednseday
Sometimes I guess if I have more episodes, I try to lock myself up anyway, I must have escaped.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jihad Josh
personality disorders are just excuse people made up for their weak emotional control. get yur head out of your ass and quit feeling sorry for yourself
There are actual physical differences in the brainQuote:
Originally Posted by Garfield
And dissociative disorder is not a personality disorder or something to snort at you dumb fuck, you have no idea how fucking frightening it is.
I said I can deal with the borderline, I have my whole life and used to be more productive than you in spite of it.
But I wasn't talking about that now was I?
Idiot.
it stil doesn't make sense for clothes to still be wet for weeks unless you tied them up in bags so that they couldn't dry outQuote:
Originally Posted by Dirty Beatle
I bet they smell pretty bad
probably likemildew
depressed people are too lazy to do their own clothes theyre too busy thining about themselves and looking at them selves all sad in the mirror boo hoo
It is winter here, it rains all the timeQuote:
Originally Posted by sad rats fuck
Doesn't make sense otherwise, not too bright are you? It's basic maths, 30 loads of washing to do and dry, one washing machine and one cloth horse to dry small cloths inside with.
Go figure.
Moron.
how much of the taxpayers money did you spend on your new washing machine
30 washing machine loads, maybe you have too many clothes
They did, so bad that I spewed. I washed them all with hot water and nappy sanitizer first, then gave them a second was and overnight soak again with nappy sanitizer and washing powder. A lot of them were ruined though, rotted right through.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jihad Josh
didnt know they had goodwills on penguin island
I know I've paid more tax than you in my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by sad rats fuck
i don't believe your clothes rotted through that quickly
bail isnt tax lisa
I do my own cloths and I don't like looking in the mirrorQuote:
Originally Posted by Garfield
I was talking about how scary the dissociative disorder is. There is something going on in my brain that is scary.
I bet the sheets rooty spewed on were pretty gross smelling
What? LolQuote:
Originally Posted by Garfield
I worked for 20 years.
I used to be a teacher remember?
Stab your face off so you won't know who you are when looking in the mirror anymore
you ruined your clothes and pulled your pants down in front of a security camera for attentionQuote:
Originally Posted by Dirty Beatle
He didn't spew in anythingQuote:
Originally Posted by Jihad Josh
But they grew all kinds of funky moulds from being in the grass, dirt and rain
Some of my cushions actually grew grass on them
dissociative disorder is what lazy people call themselves to get out of work and paying taxes LIKE AN ADULT
WHERE AM I
No, I was dressed, the pants were too big and had fallen down. I didn't see a camera but I assume there was one, it was the middle of the night, no-one was around luckily, it certainly wasn't for attention, it was during some kind of episode where I did a lot of strange things, I would like to see the security footage though if there is some, there probably would be.Quote:
Originally Posted by sad rats fuck
when did you realize you were acting like a nutcase and go home
I have a lot of guns irl...
shoot them in the air maybe theyll land onlisa
Lol no it's notQuote:
Originally Posted by Garfield
It's pretty scary
You know there are a lot of things I couldn't do anymore lest I have an episode, I'm lucky enough I'm not locked up in a hospital but you know when I do have my wherewithal I come across as sane so they let me out after a couple of days and no-one is around when I have an episode because I live by myself, my mother knew because I sent her wired text messages but what is she meant to do? Nothing. There is nothing anyone can do except lock me up.
or you could get a job lisa instead of sitting here googling dissociative disorder over ad over
I was standing under a security light inside the car repair shop garage, all of a sudden I recognised where I was, before that point I was not compos mentis enough to know, all I know what I was doing before that point was following lights, I froze stiff for a minute, I was scared, I pulled up my pants and stood there for a moment to think. I thought I was lucky I had gotten as far as I did without getting into any trouble so I tried to just go back the way I came, I had to climb back over fences, it was the one moment where I actually at least knew what had been going through my head before reaching that point, I am more disturbed by the stuff like throwing my cloths and linen outside and packing bags with strange things and hiding stuff because I have no idea what was going through my head, like literally no idea at all why I did that, if I had some idea what I was thinking or why I did that even if it was crazy it wouldn't be as scary, it's the having no idea at all what I was thinking or why I did that that upsets me the most.Quote:
Originally Posted by sad rats fuck
I've looked it up because it's been suggested to me I have it and I didn't know what it is. It's just another label and the term will be obsolete in 10-20 years but that doesn't change what happens and the effect that has on my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfield
No I'm not getting a job at the moment, shove it.